About the Author - Clara Nipper

Roller Derby

To those fierce, ballsy dames who have moxie to spare, I extend a bloody, bruised hand to invite you to join roller derby. You will be bitten by a fatal but ecstatic obsession and you will love the pain.

Roller derby queens lessen Sprite fright
By JASON ASHLEY WRIGHT World Scene Writer
Published: 3/2/2010 2:22 AM
Last Modified: 3/2/2010 4:11 AM

I have bad skating karma.

Last time I had on roller skates was at the Sunshine Skate Center in Laurel, Miss. It was the summer between my sixth and seventh grades - the apex of puberty's onslaught, as well as the brightest (as in "most glaring," not "smartest") showcase of my clumsiness.

While "Lost in Emotion" by Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam reverberated off the wood rink, I bought a massive Sprite in a Styrofoam cup at the concession stand - quite a feat for me, considering I had on skates and never learned how to move in them. While walking back to the table where Mamaw, my aunt and cousin sat, my feet flew out from under me, and the bottom of the Sprite impaled itself on my outstretched hand while I screamed.

I hadn't even taken a sip out of the dang thing, so that was a buck-fiddy of my grandmother's money gone.

Then and there, I vowed never to skate again, avoiding the inevitable heartache of wasted soda. It's a philosophy I went on to apply years later with ice cream cones, dating and white Zinfandel.

Since then, I hadn't even stepped a foot, neither wheeled nor flat, inside a skating rink. But I was eager to accept an invite from E to attend a roller derby Sunday night in Sand Springs with our good buddy Jules. Feign interest for a sec, and let's chat about the evening.

Roll on
So I go over to Jules and Ern's house to wait for E to pick us up, making friends with the world's sweetest pit bull. E shows up, we all chat a bit, then leave Ern for Sand Springs.

Hindsight being 20-20, it probably would've been Hamburger Helpful had we brought the event flier with us, as we got a little lost. Eventually, we pull into a Wendy's, where I rolled down my window and asked two random parking lot people where the rink was. They didn't know, so we flew through the drive-through, where we were told by a nice young man in food-handling gloves where to go. And then we got lost again.

Finally, we see the 50-story "SKATES" sign of the aptly named Skates Roller Skating Entertainment Center, which you can probably find on Google Earth. Whatever, we were there, safe and happy-sappy, tell your pappy. Wisely, I opted for a canned beverage to avoid a repeat of Pop Fiasco '87. Not that I was in skates, but I trip an average of 1.5 times every day on nonspeed bumpy things, like lint or air.

Anyway, the bout was between the Tulsa Derby Brigade and Tornado Alley Rollergirls. Having seen "Whip It" recently, I was very excited. It was a lot like "Whip It" actually, just with more children running around and a nice lady giving people massages. An odd but memorable touch.

Armed with a cow bell, E finds her posse, who was there to cheer on local author Clara Nipper - one tough, fabulous chick who's not afraid of a bruise or two, apparently. I was flat-out amazed at how fast and furious these women skated. Fearless. If anyone fell, they didn't scream like I did. And it was only because someone else knocked them down, not because a gallon-sized Sprite set them off balance. It was official then and there - these ladies were my new heroes.

If you haven't seen a derby, you should go at least once to experience it. Please don't ask me or E for directions, though. There's a nice Wendy's off Exit Somethin'-Somethin' for that.

Roller Derby Queen
Saturday, March 6, 2010
By Denise Bell, www.lostcityknits.com

There is a saying “May you live in interesting times”. I think if you narrow that down you’ll find that “May you meet interesting people” can be even better.

While at a party during the summer of 2009 two of our friends, Clara and Carissa, announced that they were joining a roller derby team. Chris and I were excited and quizzed about the local women’s derby scene and tried to relate it to the Roller Girls series we’d enjoyed on the A&E channel. I can remember as a teen back in the 1970’s watching the Bay City Bombers whirl around the track as they were cheered on by devoted and – yes -- rambunctious crowds, and I'm certain at some point in my youth I'd memorized the lyrics to Jim Croce's Roller Derby Queen. So I knew roller derby had been around a while and was glad it was having a resurgence.

This year as local media was publicizing the advent of the Roller Derby season we were anxiously awaiting the date when one of our friends would skate her first bout. When last Sunday rolled around, we spent the day in Tulsa and had our errands and stops scheduled around being in Sand Springs in time to catch the first moments of action for the Tulsa Derby Brigade and Clara’s first official time on the track.

By day Clara is an efficient and organized court clerk in downtown Tulsa. But she doesn’t let her day job define her. In her off hours she has many passions, one as a chocolatier and owner of Andy’s Candies. When you bite into one of Clara’s Lavender Dark Chocolate Truffles there are no words to describe them -- just sounds of sheer pleasure, the kind that are made with full mouths, half closed eyes and a smear of chocolate on your lips. Using words however, is one of Clara’s other pursuits as a writer of erotic lesbian mystery novels. After you ogle the lush photos of Clara on her website you’ll notice she has two novels to her credit.

None of these sides of Clara prepared me for Sunday night and Cat Nip, Clara’s derby name. When we arrived at the rink shortly before seven there was already two lines of fans waiting for the doors to open. The shortest line was for people who hadn’t bought their tickets early. The crowd was laughing and having a good time despite the cold weather.

If you’re not a regular derby fan here is the quick and dirty. The skaters start on two different lines on the track (this was a flat track), the pack is out front and a jammer from each team starts when the whistle blows a few seconds after the pack whistle. The jammers are the fastest skaters and the only people who score points. The first jammer to pass the pack is the lead jammer, and she begins scoring points when she laps the pack. The pack tries to block the jammer from passing them -- this is when the bumpin’ and bruisin’ happens. The lead jammer can call off the jam by thrusting her hands on her hips or allow the jam clock to run out at twenty seconds. There are thirty seconds between each jam.

We sat beside the penalty bench and just to the right of the Tulsa Derby Brigade team. I suspect that all of the skaters have that same mix of personality that our friend Clara does. That mix of tenderness and bad-ass that makes a woman skate in public wearing a tutu and torn fishnets.

While we joined in the cheering on of Brigade jammer Criminally Insane I also noticed the little girl near me with a big Happy Birthday balloon yelling even louder – “Go Insane!!!” This was pretty funny I thought to myself as I watched the joy on the little girl’s face. Then I thought again about what a friend said earlier in the evening. How often do little girls toss aside the fairy princess Disney type image the media feeds them to cheer on a grown woman skating her heart out in a rough and tumble sport with such ferocity that she’s guaranteed to go home at night black and blue from the competition? Probably not often enough.

Cat Nip, the same friend who a few years ago shaved her head to donate her hair to Locks of Love, skates as part of the pack. She blocks and lays in wait for the other team’s jammer to prevent them from scoring. Cat Nip was gearing up for a good brawl I realized as I watched her face turn red and teeth clamp down on the mouth-piece that hung from her helmet as she prepared to skate another jam. Then I worried just a little bit about the jammers facing a pack of these women who were prepared to slam or push or send them sliding on their butts to the far corner of the rink in every effort to keep them from scoring.

At half time we took a few moments to talk to Cat Nip. She was back to Clara then, smiling and laughing with her fans. She was bright and cheery but it’s the wise person who remembers a derby girl shouldn’t be taunted. They can turn in the bat of an eye into a bad-ass derby queen.

The night ended with the final score of the evening -
Tulsa Derby Brigade 204 points, Tornado Alley Rollergirls 125 points.

And then the skaters and fans alike did

Go Insane!

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